So I guess I’m going to be attempting to do “Bloganuary,” for January. We will see if I can respond to all of the prompts. This is probably going to be pretty free-form as I don’t always respond to prompts in a way that uh…actually follows the prompt. (This has been a Thing on occasion…though does not count as a challenge, just my brain being eccentric.) If I don’t do personal type posts, I will probably do fiction or something like that.
The biggest challenge (so far) has been self-advocacy. I am on the autistic spectrum, but was only diagnosed within the past few years. It has been extremely difficult for me to navigate resources or seek screening for autism due to a combination of uncooperative providers and well, actually being autistic and trying to navigate the various systems without becoming overwhelmed. (It did not help that I was initially diagnosed as “Bipolar” this seems to lend to a certain assumption with providers that you are lying or “medication seeking” for some reason.) I have extremely high anxiety which tends to make most things super-fun and exciting in ways I wish they weren’t.
It was also a big struggle to leave my previous provider for a new one! I wanted to leave my provider because they kept uh…conveniently misplacing the documentation for my autism diagnosis, and pretending they couldn’t contact/stay in contact with the autism provider. (I say “pretending” because according to the autism provider, the SMI provider should have already known/added in my autism diagnosis…only they hadn’t.) Then they seemed to have trouble remembering that I wanted to transfer in the first place, or decided that I had changed my mind. Currently the situation is “new SMI provider doesn’t seem to have me in their system” …which is something I need to look into. Also, new provider hasn’t been able to send me emails for some reason.
So. Self-advocacy has been an issue. Another challenge has been with writing. I like to write, but a lot of the time it is hard for me to write or continue writing. I have a great many fears and insecurities about my writing. That is, my feelings about my writing are a little complicated. Part of this is because there is a certain assumption of, “oh, you must like to write/be good at writing since you like to read.” I most often heard this from people who had…never read my writing. Those who had read my writing…felt the need to “help” in ways that were not helpful. (I may or may not have a rant or two about this. I may or may not share these rants.)
Another challenge is: executive dysfunction. It’s hard for me to get started on either a writing project or simple chores. It’s hard for me to continue on same, and it’s hard for me to finish. I get stuck in some step or another and all the little steps that make up the task ascend up a huge mountain that I am never going to reach the top of, let alone get down the other side of. This kind of paralysis is something I have been working on with limited successes (because again, executive dysfunction).
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