Book Review: If Wishes Were Retail by Auston Habershaw

Black background. Large red genie who has busted out of his uniform t-shirt. He is looming over a bewildered cashier with blue hair,who is holding an unrolled scroll. Title is in an all caps yellow font.

I had a very mixed reaction to this book! On one hand, it’s a cozy fantasy with some funny moments. On the other hand, the main character is burdened with an extremely toxic family and makes frustrating decisions. (Also, some of the humor is kind of slapstick and gross-out. I am not a fan of mean spirited humor.) The setting is kind of interesting, in that it’s a modern one, with with urban fantasy situation of “magical beings just returned/turned up one day and now we’re dealing with the fall out.” (In this case the magical beings are a genie who wants to run a kiosk in a dying mall and a bunch of gnomes who are  working multiple terrible, low paying jobs.)

Our Protagonist is a girl named Alex who is trying to get a job so that she can eventually pay for college and escape the town she grew up in. And she has very valid reasons for wanting to escape! Her dad’s landscaping company is tanking due to very stupid financial decisions, an affair and competition from gnomes. The dad is also a conspiracy theory nut, and a “sovereign citizen.” Her mom is under a lot of stress in regards to her own work, and her husband being a wingnut. Her brother is wingnut 2.0. Our Girl is not having a good time!

The genie hires Alex. Alex has the not-so-wonderful job of running the cash register and trying to explain the modern world to the genie. (She does not do very well at this. Her own base knowledge is very low, and her ability to get through to the genie limited. It is the blind leading the blind right over a cliff.) With the outcomes of many of wishes being…not great (mostly by accident rather than out of inherent malice) this wish granting business becomes a liability for the mall, which is dying anyway.

The book has some funny moments, but the type of humor is generally not a variety I vibe with. While I felt sympathy for the protagonist, I didn’t actually like her. The genie was an interesting character with some depth, but his absolute stubborn refusal to figure out how to live in the modern age was kind of exasperating.

This book is probably going to be best for anyone who likes petty vengeance, watching wingnuts embarrass themselves and some of the silliest “there is no ethical consumption under late-stage capitalism” jokes you’ve ever read. This review is based on a galley copy received from NetGalley.

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