Oh, this is going to be a hard one. My first thought was that I am generally too busy thinking about the present to be thinking about either the past or the future. However, this isn’t quite true as I do also think about the past or future. Or more accurately, I have bouts of being incredibly worried about the immediate future or being deeply annoyed about things that have happened in the past.
Most of my thoughts on the future are related to my financial situation, my housing situation and my efforts to acquire, maintain and renew the various services I use to manage my mental and physical health. These efforts are in and of themselves a source of stress and usually result in me taking extended breaks from Dealing With This Bureaucratic Baloney. It is extremely hard to navigate services, and a lot of the time the left and right hands have no idea of what they’re doing. (Note: My current worries and future worries are pretty much identical.)
As far as the past is concerned…I have gotten (slightly) better at not getting stuck in mental ruts where where I am obsessing over some ridiculous, horrible, or confusing thing that happened in my past. Slightly. My past history is FULL of extremely terrible, ridiculous or just plain stupid things that have happened to me as a result of having an undiagnosed (at the time) disability, mental health issues, a teeny bit of trauma related to a toxic environment or two I found myself in, and also bullying (again due to my trauma, undiagnosed disability and mental health issues). I generally don’t want to dwell, but it still ends up being a thing that happens.
Most recently I have talked to my sister about an Incident from when we were both teenagers. It was an Incident that caused a great deal of stress and which I still get angry about to this day. (As was the case when I woke up this morning suddenly annoyed because all I could think about was this stupid Incident.)
I specifically talked to her about the Incident because she was a participant in the Incident, and I was kept in the dark concerning the Incident. (The Incident was in the nature of a practical joke that was about as funny as most practical jokes are, which is to say not at all. No I am not going to go into detail about the Incident at this time. All you need to know is that it was stupid. I shouldn’t have believed it, but I did because my brother and sister were backing up/participating in the joke.) My main annoyance was the sheer stupidity and danger of the joke, not being told it WAS a joke, and secondary incidents RELATED to the joke.
This is just one of many events and occurrences in my past that I occasionally dwell about.
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