Which Boys?

Friend: Are these your boys?

Me: Yes, those are my boys.

Friend: They are very cute

Me: Yes, yes they are.

Friend: *may not know that there are three different books and three different pairings that are coded light colors x red and black  so I decided to promote them.*

Me: Okay, three novels by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu, also known as MXTX! Three main ships! All with the same color coding!

Heaven Official’s Blessing: A sweet martial god and the ghost king that luv him. (And their vast trauma.) There is probably a conspiracy afoot. (I’ve only completed the first volume.) Which the sweet martial god was told not to concern himself with.

Xie  Lian: White clothes, armed with a long white bandage with its own angsty  backstory, very STRONK, bound by two seals. Very Tired, would like  everyone to Get Along because Very Tired. Trash collecting god, former  martial god.

Hua Cheng: Red and Black clothes Boyfriend! Decided he  would be smartest and bestest boy who knows everything v. early on so he  would be Worthy of His Prince. Also decided from some reason to be an  awesome criminal kingpin. As you do. Only one eye! Ghost King with the  awesome title Crimson Rain Sought Flower.

Romance roughly goes: “Spy vs. Spy is this guy Hua Cheng/alive or not?” through first volume. This is hilarious.

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation: ADHD necromancer and autistic paladin team up and fight crime…after the death of necromancer.

Lan  Wangji: White/pale clothes, armed with a sword and carries his own angsty  back story. Lawful Good. Has been grieving the death of ADHD necromancer  for a variable length to time depending on canon material (book vs live  action). I would say he’s pure of heart but uh…no.

Wei Wuxian:  Red and Black clothes Boyfriend! Has been through hell and back. Left with a  sword and came back with a magic flute used for necromancing dancing.  Completely shocked that he was summoned as an evil spirit to get  vengeance, because he was the quietest and most peaceful of dead person imaginable.  The most peaceful! Fastest flute carver in the cultivation world  apparently. So smart he goes right back around to stupid. Does not  realize Lan Wangji like-likes him.

Romance roughly goes: “I Wei Wuxian will shock and appall Hanguang-jun by flirting with him so I can escape!” Sadly, for Wei Wuxian, Hanguang-jun is into it, and has been in love with him and then mourning him for years. The the thirst is strong my friends.

Scum Villain Self Saving System: Hate  Reader must be the villain of Proud Immortal Demon Way, the web novel he hated. The villain that  becomes a human stick. (Don’t ask. You don’t want to know.)  Hate Reader would like to avoid this. Meanwhile,  the writer has to wade through his own crappy novel as yet another minor  villain.

Shen Qingqiu: White/Light clothes! armed with a sword, a  System and a desperate desire to not be tortured by the protagonist. Is  too terrified (and trying to watch Protag’s meet cutes) to realize Protagonist has a crush on his dumb closeted ass.

Luo  Binghe: Red and Black clothes Boyfriend! Does not understand how relationship  is formed. Is angry and hurt because his beloved Shizun apparently  betrayed him and he wants to find out why. His methods succeed only in terrifying  poor Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu. Armed with evil sword, vast  power and a protagonist halo that ensures he can never be defeated  because the writer was  writing power fantasy smut fic.

Romance roughly  goes: Shen Yuan is so far in the closet he’s in Narnia, Luo Binghe has a crush and doesn’t understand Shen Yuan is terrified because of the plot of PIDW. (Since he doesn’t know about PIDW.) Stupid things happen because of communication fail. Stupid things also happen because Qi deviation (which is very bad) and a demon sword (also very bad).

Bonus:

Shang  Qinghua: Light colored clothes or clothes the exact same colors as his boy! The  writer of “Proud Immortal Demon Way,” forced to be another villain, who is meant to die at the hands  of the character he basically wrote as romantic fulfillment. (This fate  was successfully avoided.) For some reason associated with hamsters. By people who do not actually know how hamsters behave. (They associate hamsters=shy and cowardly. Hamsters are actually very territorial and aggressive, to the point that they get stressed and anxious if they have to share their enclosure with another hammie. And by stressed and anxious I actually mean “will try to kill and eat the other hammie.” Imagine finding this out the Hard Way. By which I mean Tiny Hamster Atrocities.)

Mobei-Jun: White and black clothes Boyfriend!  This king is an ice demon and does not emote very well. Seems angry most  of the time, or at least to transmigrated writers with anxiety, which Shang Qinghua  definitely has. Armed with Ice Powers and exasperation for  servants who are referred to as hamsters in fanon.

Romance roughly goes: COMMUNICATION FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL what do you mean they aren’t already married COMMUNICATION FAIL FAIL FAIL. I would make allusions to Punch and Judy, but the comparison might be missed and isn’t entirely accurate.

_{A slightly different version of this post on Tumblr. Posted on 02/11/2022}